Random Ideas 

The Never Ending Article of Nonsense (updated when I get crazy thoughts at 1 AM)

Let's face it. You're bored. Let me entertain you. If you've seen this before then keep scrolling as I just might have something new for you.

Moskeetos
That’s how I thought you spell the word “Mosquito.” Well it isn’t. So I had watched a lot of documentaries one day and in most of them there were flame throwers and stuff that spits out fire. I had enjoyed most of them and it was time for me to go to bed. I was tired. I switched the light off and I heard that dreaded sound “mmmmzzzmmm.” There was no bug spray around so I was screwed. I thought of turning on the light to kill those little buggers but I was too tired for that. I just opened the blankets and said “Get your blood quickly and let me sleep.” Unfortunately, mosquitoes aren’t humans and you cannot negotiate with them. To cut the very long and unpleasurable story short, I had a horrible night. I then thought, why don’t we have flame throwers for mosquitoes? When it is about to come to your ears you take out the big gun and shoot it. The mosquito would die a nice, fiery death. But then again, you would probably burn your house down and join it in hell. This is a bad idea. I think it would make a great movie though – the Mosquito Flame. Well that’s it.
P.S. I had a bad mosquito night yesterday. 

YouTube

I always wondered why there is a capital "T" in YouTube. Makes it look weird. Anyways, I was watching a few videos and the comments just killed me (I mean I found them funny I don't mean the comments had guns and machetes and murdered me. But just imagine...). People on YouTube have a very good sense of humour. They also have great business ideas. I remember watching a weird video and somebody saying that each frame could be a t-shirt. Of course you would probably get sued but that sounded like an incredibly great idea to me. So my thought of the day is this - Why waste time on searching for ideas when you can just go on YouTube and get business ideas there?

Tech Support Revenge
So I had a bad internet day a moon ago. I had an urgent assignment that I needed to get done and there was no internet connection. I phoned the customer representative and after waiting for 40 minutes for my call to get through I finally got answered by a guy. I told him the problem and he said I should restart my phone. You see, I use a dual sim phone and the sim that I was using to connect to the internet had no bars at all – ZERO NETWORK COVERAGE. I had already tried restarting my phone and this didn’t work. I just slapped my face and decided to accept that I was going to make an alternative plan. 
I really wonder if telling a person to switch their phone off and then turn it back on ever solves any problem. One day I would love to phone tech support when I have a problem and then if they give me a meaningless suggestion I’ll say “WOW! It worked! You guys are the best!” Then the person will say “Really?” (because they know it doesn’t) then I’ll say nope. Was just playing with you LOL.
P.S. I actually don’t like using LOL but I’m not able to record a clip of me laughing because 1: that’s crazy and 2: ...that actually sounds like a good idea… 

Gurindo
I had just finished my final exams. I was at home and wondering what the next step was going to be. I did what any school leaver would do – I started applying for jobs. I started applying for jobs that I found online and in person. The phone did not ring. That sucked. In the meantime I learnt how to use this platform called twitter. One day, whilst sleeping in the afternoon, I got a call. It was a (+263)04 number. This meant that it was a Harare number and chances were high that I was going to get a job. I talked to a lady who has the best english accent I’ve ever heard on a call. She said I have an interview and we negotiated for an interview day. I was going to go the next week. I was super happy...until I started to think. I hadn’t applied to Gurindo (I’m not using the real name for obvious reasons). She had indicated that she was going to share directions to the place and I kindly asked her to send to both my email and my whatsapp number. She only sent to my whatsapp number. This meant that she didn’t have my email I reasoned. As a rather broke person, I found it hard to turn down the offer. I tried to find out what exactly Gurindo was. I really wondered why it sounded like one of those super bedroom performance enhancing drugs that downtown people try to market so much. Coming to think of it, I really wonder if anyone buys that stuff. Anyways, I was scared that I would get kidnapped and just vanish from the face of the earth so I did a lot of research. The place turned out to be legit. I prepared myself for the interview and went to the place. It turned out to be amazing. The person who I talked to on the phone was a tall, slim lady who had confidence oozing from every part of her body. We had an interview outside, in the patio and I was offered a cup of tea. I said no but deep down I really wanted it because who knows, maybe it would come with something delicious. Oh and did I mention that the place I had the interview was a really beautiful place in Borrowdale? It was so nice. I eventually discovered that the company was a human resource company that helped look for human capital for other companies. It wasn’t feasible for me to accept the job I was given as the salary would have been used up for transport in less than 2 weeks since I didn’t live in Harare at the time. 
So what did I learn? 
#1 Do not name your businesses with names that sound like super bedroom performance enhancing drugs.
#2 People in Borrowdale really don’t like hooters. There were signs all over that had the following letters in bold DO NOT HOOT. I could literally hear the sound of an angry old white woman with glasses and a black cat saying those words each time I read them.
#3 There are some people with amazing accents. WOW. I wish I recorded the call so that you managed to get what I’m talking about.
That’s it for today. BYE

 

 

This article was updated on September 21, 2020